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Monday, July 26, 2004

Guess what? I am going to see the Astros tonight! My first game at Minutemaid Park! I will be so busy packing laser pointers, weapons, peanuts, slanderous banners, beach balls, and other inflatable devices into my bag measuring over 16 X 16", that we will probably be running late. I hope we can at least make it by the 7th inning stretch, at which point I will make sure my girlfriend has a wardrobe malfunction! Just like at the Super Bowl down the street!

I need to find our softball so we can take it and pretend we caught it!



Last night around eleven-thirty there was a knock at the door. I was sitting at my computer, computing something, when I heard light tapping coming from the backdoor. I quickly ran into the bedroom and jumped on the bed where my girlfriend was trying to sleep.

"Baby, there's somebody at the door! Don't answer it unless you're absolutely sure who it is!"

"Mmmph...what?"

She tip-toed to the door and back, before deciding I should answer it.

So I tip-toed through the kitchen and peered through the blinds but found no one. Although, I thought I heard footsteps down the back stairs. A moment later we heard knocking at the front door. It was the neighbor. Turns out, she found my keys stuck in the backdoor lock. Just hanging there for anyone to turn. Actually, this is the second day in a row I had done this. My girlfriend was very light-hearted about both incidents. Especially after I re-enacted myself strolling through the door, slamming it shut with my foot and doing a little "I'm home!" stance.

We both had a laugh before I suggested we go have sex.

"Okay. I was actually having trouble sleeping."



Thursday, July 22, 2004

Saturday is my nephew's birthday. He will be two years old! And he is already wise beyond his years. He can walk and dance and color and says, "Daddy"! In fact, since it's the word he knows best, when he gets excited he exclaims, "Daddy!" to people and things that are not his daddy.

I cannot wait for his party. Last year the highlight was him getting sprayed by the water hose while sitting in his kiddie pool. I wonder what it will be this year.

Last year while opening his gifts, he got up to go play with his old toys. I was so proud of him. This is the exact opposite of the gimme, gimme, gimme attitude most kids have. He is an angel.

I haven't bought him a present yet. What do you get a kid that has so many toys and books already? I'm going to clean my car out. Hopefully this will give me some ideas...

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

FOOD BLOG

Creepy neighbor cornered us outside on the balcony to ask if we wanted some generic-brand macaroni and cheese dinners and a frozen cheese pizza. How weird is that? Anyway, she must have heard us talking and making noise while cleaning up a piece of wood paneling we found on the side of the road.

I had sort of rolled my eyes to myself when my g/f stooped down to look at it. I mean, what typical street-kid behavior. Dragging other people's garbage home to create "art" with. Except, she can actually draw and will make something wonderful that I will then find the perfect place for on the wall.

Getting back to creepy-neighbor...She explained that although she doesn't eat wheat, her pantry was stocked with several items for her wheat-eating relatives which have since gone home. And now she was looking to unload it all. We told her that I don't really eat wheat either which is a weird coincidence, and then my g/f mentioned something about eating them when I was out of town. Like a bachelor left home for days with no cooking skills.

I was handed two boxes of mac-n-cheese and a very small frozen pizza and went inside to answer the phone. I was happy it rang since I was in no mood for what awkward conversation loomed with creepy-neighbor.




My girlfriend has been buying large pieces of fruit lately.
First it was a cantaloupe, which we ate.
Then she bought another cantaloupe.
After it sat on the counter for a while
I asked her if she planned on eating it and she replied,
"Well, I actually meant to buy a honeydew melon instead."
I ended up throwing it out.
Finally, she brought home a honeydew melon.
Several weeks have passed.
It is sitting on the stove.
In her mind it has only been a few days.
I am starting to feel bad about wasting the fruit.
But not enough to eat it.
What kind of person does this make me.



Friday, July 16, 2004

I hate not being able to draw well.
I hate not being to draw average, even.
I hate the fact that I can't even draw well enough to convey the general idea of what I want my girlfriend to draw for a comic strip I wrote.

"Oh how cute, this one looks like an eight-year old drew it."

And she's not referring to the quirky, deliberately simplistic style some people use. No, it's just bad. But I subscribe to the idea that anyone can draw if they just learn perspective.

So anyway, yesterday I laid in the grass for a while soaking up the sun. And later walked home with sweat pouring out of me.

With a smell that repulsed even myself, I drove to Whole Foods to refill our two-gallon water bottle. There is an interesting mix of hippies, punks, and richies (wealthy snobs) who shop there. During the weekdays I've noticed it is mostly richies, who have nothing better to do than spend money. And for now I have nothing better to do than stroll through the aisles dressed for the beach and smelling like a football player, offending everyone I pass.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004



This past weekend we had breakfast at a diner that was so tasty, my girlfriend left her book there.

Later that evening we had dinner with a friend.

Girlfriend: "She's the better writer and I'm the better draw-er."

Me: "Yeah, I'm the better writer. Draw-er?



Thursday, July 08, 2004


I think I want a pen pal. To exchange actual pieces of mail with. For example, you could send me money and in return I will send you free stickers of bands no one has heard of that I find around town. Sound good? Then drop me a line. Oh, and if you know me personally and especially if you live in the same city with me, don't bother. (What's the point of that?) And don't go pretending you are someone else in a different city -- that would be weird and mean.




Today I spilled the entire bottle of my new homeopathic allergy medicine in the car. It must have evaporated because I couldn't find where it went after I got home. I was really disappointed, but probably not as disappointed as the people from the allergy clinic when they realize I won't be coming anymore. I was practically making someone'’s car payment every month. I've stopped going before, but this time I will be leaving a half-empty/half-paid for bottle of serum behind. And in a few days I will have stood my doctor up for a re-evaluation appointment. That's pretty much burning all my bridges at once. I hope I'm making the right decision. I hope the bottle spilling is not a bad sign. My squeezing out the recommended dosage of fifteen drops under my tongue while trying to drive, then failing to screw the lid back on tightly is typical behavior for me. Feeding quarters into the bottom dryer and putting my clothes into the top dryer at the laundromat is too.



Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Catsup, Ketchup, Catch Up!

FRIDAY

Me: I stopped at two different fireworks stands on the way home from my parent's house.

Her: Why?

Me: To look for Saddam Hussein or Osama Bin Laden fireworks.

Her: You can't set those off in town! They're really cracking down this year.

Me: Oh, I wasn't going to set them off -- I was just going to keep them as a memento. I'm too scared of firecrackers. You could lose a finger that way!

SATURDAY

I missed the women's final at Wimbledon. Damn. It was a good match.
Actually, they showed again immediately after the men's final on Sunday, but after watching that for two hours I was sick of tennis.

SUNDAY

Sometimes I think I'm too impressionable. After reading a story about a girl who spent two months riding her bike across the country, I suggested we pack a couple cans of beer into our backpacks and ride our bikes to watch the fireworks.

"Which fireworks? Where? You want to just get on our bikes and start riding? It will be dark soon. And you can't drink beer, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

So we ended up bringing home Mexican food and making our own fireworks at home. Although, it was more like the little things you throw at the ground that pop. But we were tired from sitting around in the air conditioning all day.

MONDAY

We finally saw Fahrenheit 9/11. A little old lady outside of the theater asked what we thought of it. There was silence while we thought of a reply. Finally I said something about how "we liked it". She went off to her car. We decided that since we didn't know if she was a liberal or a conservative and didn't know what we were getting into, that would be our reason for not having anything profound to say about a film that kept us wide-eyed the entire two hours.



Friday, July 02, 2004

Yesterday evening my dad asked me if I wanted to go to the new seafood restaurant that opened recently. I told him no, that I had just eaten some left-over chicken and vegetables and also an entire bag of microwave popcorn. (I mentioned the entire bag of popcorn to shock you since it sure as hell doesn't shock me. It's a pretty regular occurrence where I finish off a bag, barely giving my g/f a little bowl's worth only after she asks.)

So anyway, I told him I wished I would have known beforehand that he wanted to go since I would have liked to have had seafood for dinner. We are big seafood eaters in my family.

Twenty minutes later he asked again if I wanted to go to the seafood place and I responded that we could go after I finished ironing my shirt. Then it occurred to me that it was after eight-thirty and the restaurant probably closed at nine. So he went to check the take-home menu which said they closed at nine. He said, "Oh" then "Well, let's go now."

I pulled on some pants and shoes and away we went. We arrived at eight forty-seven. He informed me he would be getting the shrimp, and if you knew my dad you would understand that, I too, should be ordering the shrimp. I decided to have a quick look at the menu before defiantly ordering the catfish.

Here is part of the menu. It is the COMBINATION SEAFOOD PLATTERS section. Try reading a little of it.

CP1 6 SHRIMP, 6 CRAWFISH TAILS
CP2 6 SHRIMP, 6 OYSTERS
CP3 6 SHRIMP, 6 SCALLOPS
CP4 9 SHRIMP, 9 SCALLOPS
CP5 2 FROG LEGS, 6 SHRIMP, 6 OYSTERS
CP6 6 SHRIMP , 6 OYSTERS, 6 CRAWFISH TAILS
CP7 9 SHRIMP, 9 CRAWFISH TAILS
CP8 9 SHRIMP, 9 OYSTERS
CP9 9 SHRIMP, 9 OYSTERS, 6 SCALLOPS
CP10 10 SHRIMP 10 OYSTERS, 10 CRAWFISH
CP11 12 SHRIMP, 12 OYSTERS
CP20 1 CATFISH, 6 SHRIMP
CP21 1 CATFISH, 9 SHRIMP
CP22 1 CATFISH, 4 SHRIMP, 6 OYSTERS
CP23 1 CATFISH, 5 SHRIMP, 5 OYSTERS
CP24 1 CATFISH, 5 SHRIMP, 5 OYSTERS, 5, CRAWFISH
CP25 1 CATFISH, 1 STUFFED CRAB, 8 CRAWFISH
CP26 1 CATFISH, 6 SHRIMP, 6 OYSTERS
CP27 1 CATFISH, 1 STUFFED CRAB, 6 SHRIMP
CP28 1 CATFISH, 2 SHRIMP, 3 OYSTERS, 3 CRAWFISH
CP29 1 CATFISH, 2 FROG LEGS, 3 SHRIMP, 4 OYSTERS
CP30 1 CATFISH, 1 STUFFED CRAB, 3 SHRIMP, 5 OYSTERS, 3 SCALLOPS, 10
CRAWFISH TAILS
CP31 1 STUFFED CRAB, 6 SHRIMP, 6 CRAWFISH TAILS
CP50 2 PC CATFISH, 6 OYSTERS
CP51 2 PC CATFISH, 9 SHRIMP
CP52 2 PC CATFISH, 9 OYSTERS
CP53 2 PC CATFISH, 7 SHRIMP, 7 OYSTERS


As you can see, it seems rather extensive. What I'd like to know is what if I wanted say, 1 Catfish, 4 crawfish tails, and 9 oysters? Or what about 1 catfish, 2 frog legs, 9 oysters, and 6 shrimp? What then? Not very accommodating after all, is it?

I would also like to know what happened to CP12 through CP19 and CP32 through CP49? Maybe I would enjoy those platters.

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