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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I was actually the idiot driving down the freeway with my blinker on today. Which reminds me, does anyone else secretly wish they had a mini chalkboard in their car to scribble messages on and then flash at other drivers?

Like for instance, "Your blinker is on!" or "You shouldn't have cut me off. I'm now going to tailgate you for the next ten miles regardless of how out of the way it takes me." Or even, "What a loud car you have, with such a large tail pipe, which doesn't actually make your car go any faster than my Corolla."

Sometimes I wish I had a supply of water balloons or eggs to fling onto offending cars' windshields. Sometimes I wish I could just jam on my brakes and scare the living shit out of people who tailgate me in the slow lane. I wish I had the phone numbers of all the people I see driving SUV's while yapping on a cell phone. Come to think of it, the next time I see this I am going to honk my horn to get their attention and then point to their front tire in utter horror then cover my mouth as if stifling a gasp.


Adding to the recurring episodes at my parent's house and regarding my father... For the fourth consecutive time he has stopped what he is doing, wrinkled his forehead and stared questioningly towards the laundry room before asking: "What do you have in the washing machine? Has it ever made that noise before? I don't think it's ever made that noise before."


He is fearful that I will do something idiotic like stuff a king-sized comforter into his brand new washing machine along with five towels. I normally sit for a minute and think of what I have loaded it with before recalling it is only t-shirts and panties. And socks.

Eventually, I will have to quit using their home as a car wash, laundromat, restaurant/pantry and digital cable provider.


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