Friday, November 05, 2004

Crest Vs. Colgate

I considered doing a little research before making this entry, but quickly decided that toothpaste is just too boring.

First of all, let me state that Jennny is gone for the weekend. Lately, I've been the one out of town, but now the shoe is on the other foot and I am sad. I will follow her example of getting nearly drunk before attempting to sleep without her next to me. She thinks I overlooked the bottle of Vanilla Stoli in the freezer. I made myself a Coke the other night to conserve our bottled water for my morning coffee. She heard a clatter from the freezer and fearful I had dipped into her stash she asked for a sip. I played dumb so that I could play even dumber about drinking her vodka while she was gone.

"You didn't say that was your vodka in the freezer."

Speaking of vanilla-flavored vodka, today I entered the bathroom to find a new container of toothpaste sitting on the sink. I squeezed some out on my toothbrush and began scrubbing.

"This is weird tasting. It tastes exactly like my mother's vanilla hand lotion smells. Ew."

I understand there is a perpetual toothpaste war between Colgate and Crest, but I have to ask you Crest people...Is the world really ready for vanilla-flavored toothpaste? Call me old-fashioned, but I want to brush with something minty. Something that makes me go "Ahhhh...." I want my tongue to burn. I don't want to be jerked into awakeness wondering if I've grabbed the wrong tube of personal care by mistake.

To be fair, it's labeled, Vanillamint. Or to be exact, Refreshing Vanillamint. There appears to be no space between vanilla and mint. And there is an illustration of a leaf that has just blown in from the North next to it. Someone decided that just plain vanilla was a little over the top.

"Look, we'll leave the mint on for a while until people get used to it. Then we'll slowely phase it out. Then maybe even change the leaf to a vanilla bean or something. Take that Colgate!! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

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