Monday, March 28, 2005

:::.... During my usual research for answers as to why I'm slowly becoming allergic to everything I eat, I ran across some interesting content today about the digestive tract. One doctor explains...

Your body is black and white. It likes YOU and doesn't like anything that ISN'T YOU. Anything you consume must be transformed in the digestive tract into something "friendly" or else it will be considered foreign and attacked as such.

He went on to say that the digestive tract isn't considered the inside of you. More accurately, it is the outside of you.

So I guess your digestive tract is like a tunnel in a river. Although, the tunnel is in the river, whatever passes through the tunnel is not. So if a car passes through the tunnel, it won't end up floating around in the "river" that is your bloodstream.

Okay, so let's say your body is like a jealous boyfriend(or butch girlfriend). And let's say that for one reason or another, holes were to form in the delicate coating of your digestive walls allowing tiny particles of undigested food(other guys) to enter your bloodstream before made "friendly". Your jealous boyfriend sees this and issues a warning. Then it happens again. And again. So your jealous boyfriend goes and rounds up a few dozen of his friends to form a gang called The Antibodies, and they proceed to beat the living shit out of anything that comes around a few too many times. Since your boyfriend doesn't care to beat up on every single thing he sees, he and his pals The Antibodies only attack repeat offenders. Your boyfriend laughs and calls them The Allergies, and they're not allowed to use the tunnel anymore. Since your jealous boyfriend(or butch girlfriend) isn't going anywhere, you should try to fix the tunnel so The Allergies can use it again.

I'm thinking duct tape. Although, this doesn't explain why all that pollen outside is about to kill me. I usually don't season my food with it.


Easter was nice. My one-year old niece bit my finger, we hid plastic eggs, and ate lamb. Oh, and somebody put Peeps in my Easter basket. Be sure to check back soon as I am offering instruction on self-defense! Figure out where your solar plexus is so you won't feel left out.

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