Friday, April 29, 2005

:::.... I guess I should give you a progress report regarding The Move so everyone can be like, "Man, I'm sure glad I'm not moving!"

Today I'm going in circles. I've labeled one box "donation" and one box "ebay". The trouble is, I keep transferring things from the Donation box to the ebay box since "some of this stuff is too cute to just give away."

I wish I were the type of person who would just have a garage sale and be done with it. But I don't care for the people they attract. Or maybe I don't care for the ones who appeared at the garage sale my parent's had one year. Women repeatedly holding up three and four dollar items and saying, "Twenty-five cents?" Or maybe it was the woman who let her child pee on our driveway that ruined it for me.

We don't even have enough stuff to fill a table anyway. Just a few vases, candle holders and some coffee mugs I forced Jenny to get rid of to make room for mine. Until last week, they had been packed in a box and hauled around in my trunk for a year and a half. But every time I run across one of her mugs while digging through the Donation box, I feel bad and pack it with our stuff again. Like I said, circles.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

:::.... There is no place for day dreaming while standing at the water vending machine. Especially when the spigot of your water bottle is open.

We are moving! And the apartment is utter chaos. We don't have enough boxes. Nor do we have enough space to stack more boxes. So I mostly just make coffee and sit and wonder where the fuck everything is going to go.

Hey all you lesbian readers out there! Guess what exercise can help get rid of a double chin? Having sex! You know that thing you do with your tongue? That's it. Oh, and if you're selfish in bed, just try to touch the end of your nose with it thirty times each day. That works as well. Now let's see...Which is more work? And why do I care since I am the scrawniest person in Texas? Sitting on your ass all day coupled with bad posture can give anyone a flabby chin. You should see my retarded profile.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

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Alright, lift your arms over your head.

I didn't say "Simon Says" bitch! You're out!

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OK, now Simon says cut your eyes to the right.

You, on the end! You're out!

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Now...everyone get naked and lay on the floor.

Simon says!!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

* Relive those middle school lunch hours again and again from the comfort of your home!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

:::... "To always do what you've always done, and to expect to get something other than what you've always gotten is a measure of insanity."

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

:::.... Attention my fellow Texans! My girlfriend, Jenny from Buffalo, New York has never had a Frito pie. Guess what we are having for dinner!

Friday, April 08, 2005

:: We met James Kochalka! Twice.Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I meant to write about this the following day, but I was feeling pretty rotten from drinking a little too much in a smoked-filled bar which led to a terrible headache. Jenny brought coffee and lunch to me in bed while I alternated between reading comic books and staring at the ceiling. My allergy medicine made sure I stayed wide awake.

Here is the play by play.

We pulled up to the comic book store right at 1:30 like I had planned. James was scheduled to sign books at 2:00, so I figured we needed at least thirty minutes to find parking and fight our way through the comic book geeks that would surely be lined up out the door and wrapped around the building several times. As usual, I had overcompensated and we found ourselves second in line behind a short, round girl who had no interest in sharing her excitement with anyone near her.

After imagining ourselves chatting casually with him, James took his place behind the table and we both froze up like two school girls. It was pathetic. When asked simple questions like: "What would you like me to draw?" and "What do you like to do?" We came up with: "Uh, us meeting you?" and "Um...come here I guess."

We totally blew it. No pat on the head...just a measly handshake. But wait! We had another chance to meet him...with beer! His band was playing that evening at a bar down the street from us. What were the odds?

Before the night was over I had received two handshakes, a hug, permission to pat his head, and he let us buy him a drink! He was so cute when I asked him what he wanted. He stepped away to ask a friend what kind of whiskey he should get. Oh, and we got a glimpse of his pubic hair after he removed his shirt and unzipped his pants then immediately replaced his shirt and zipped his pants back up.

We love you James Kochalka!

Friday, April 01, 2005

Body: What was that?
Me: What?
Body: What did you just eat?
Me: Huh?
Body: You just had sugar didn't you.
Me: No.
Body: Yes you did. I can tell.
Me: I had like part of a chocolate bunny last night.
Body: It was more like half and that's not what I'm talking about. Just now....what did you eat?
Me: Nothing.
Body: You put catsup on those fries didn't you?
Me: So?!
Body: Sugar! You're supposed to cut sugar out for a month. You can't even go a week. Pathetic.


We will (hopefully) be meeting James Kochalka this weekend!! How cool is that? I can't wait to pat him on the head.

:: Image hosted by Photobucket.comPlinka Plinka. Still jamming out on my tennis racket.

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