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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

:::.... It has been ten days since we said goodbye to our old apartment. It seems every time an inspector goes out to the new apartment building, some little thing doesn't pass which delays progress on everything else a day or two. If either one of us had any balls, we would tell the new landlord that he need not calculate the remaining rent for this month. He won't see a cent. But alas, we have no balls.

On the brightside, I've practically planned out where everything in the new apartment is going, in my head and on paper. The bathroom is finished...down to the last detail. And after hours of searching online, I think I've found a stylish, yet very affordable, duvet cover. Unlike this one, which I would prefer in shades of gray. Allow me to do the math for you. To dress up your bed in a similar fashion will cost you $2255. Thanks, but no thanks Jado Collection. Even Calvin Klein is way more affordable...Their prices not rivaling that of a 1983 Ford Crown Victoria.

Tonight will be the first that I will not have downed a couple of beers to fall asleep in this big dark house with a thousand windows and doors. I would be thankful the dog is here to keep me company but....A) He is the reason I'm even here. And B) He is the one who barks violently at 4AM at nothing, scaring me to tears.

Today was nice. I shopped the little strip of antique/resale stores in the middle of town. I found an excellent book on animals entitled Hammond's Nature Atlas of America for a buck. I bought it with the intent of using it's yellowing pages to make envelopes with, but after reading a few of the animal descriptions, I'm very torn. Here are a few impressive animal facts for your reading enjoyment.

The Common Skunk -- The Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde of the American animal scene is a gentle and intelligent beast, dignified, fearless and easily tamed. On the other hand it wreaks havoc with its chemical weapon and has only to raise ominously its big bushy tail to turn to flight much larger creatures. If there is a show of resistance, two little tubes of scent will eject a well aimed double squirt of a malodorous fluid, hitting goals as far as twelve feet away. (If only we humans could learn to aim our bodily odors in a similar manner.)

American Cockroach -- The kitchen light turns on, and speedily these brown scavengers flit to their crannies. They feed on any garbage they can obtain, and destroy much larger quantities of stored food by tainting it with their fetid odor or dead bodies. They damage rugs and clothes and even books. This same insect, filthy in our eyes, probably spends more time cleaning itself than a kitten does. Its legs possess spines that are used as combs, stroking every part of the body over and over again to remove the dirt, and the leg combs are cleaned in the mouth. The antennae are also scrubbed there. (Very impressive, cockroach. However, I will still squash you like a pancake whenever you cross my path.)

The Grizzly Bear -- How can a traveler in the woods distinguish between a black bear and a grizzly? The lumberjacks recommend to irritate the beast and climb a tree. If the animal settles down for a wait at the trunk, it's a grizzly. If it climbs the tree with squirrel-like swiftness, it's a black bear. (What an important rule of thumb for hiking through the woods!) It will carry a 200 pound deer under its arm, but will not attack man unless it is cornered. (A second important rule of thumb while hiking through the woods!)

Number of Sausages on a Stick Consumed: 3


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