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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

::.... Two reasons my girlfriend is the most adorable thing ever.

1. She tripped on the stairs and skinned both her knees. It was so cute I almost cried. She just sat on the couch with her pants around her ankles, her shoes still on, pointing to them and yelling "Ow!" as I kissed each one.

2. After eating the last natural juice popcicle she placed a bag of purple grapes in the freezer.

Email exchange from moments ago...

Her: "So we'll leave at 6:30 and eat first OK?"
Me: OK. Which one of us put grapes in the freezer?
Her: I did.
Me: Why? Oh, you ran out of popcicles, didn't you? Won't be the same.
Her: I know :(


Monday, June 27, 2005

::
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Here is a photo of a squirrel I forgot about and then found. Can you see him? He is standing on two legs. What are the odds?

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And here is something you don't see every day. Gay Pride = huge chandelier. On the other end of the street there was huge softball glove suspended. I'm lying.


We got our bikes stolen. I don't know if I mentioned this or not. And last weekend Jenny bought us new ones so we've been peddling around town dodging Jaguars and Lexus. Not because we are "dangerous", but because it seems like the more money a person has the more careless and impatient they become on the road. My Corolla, is all I got. I drive it like a Rolls Royce. Especially after the big dent was knocked out a few months back. I wouldn't even cross an intersection without looking left and right several times before proceeding.

Plus rich people are thoroughly annoyed by every other car on the road. And since anyone on a bike is surely car-less or a street-punk hippie, they can all go to hell.

Our first altercation took place at the corner of Montrose and Hawthorne(?). Since there were a million cars parked on the side of the road, Jenny decided to wait for the light in the middle of the street. The light turned green, I took my hand off the brake and pushed down on the pedal. Since I forgot to shift to a lower speed, it took me a second or two to get going. And the fuckwad behind me let me know this by passing out on his horn. I'm not a very laid back type person and at this point, I gripped my brake and stood up again. I barely had time to turn around and give him the universal sign to fuck himself before he zoomed passed us at the speed of light. He actually swerved into the oncoming lane in a fit of anger. A few minutes later I felt ashamed at how I behaved. That's the diffence between us and them.


Friday, June 17, 2005

:::.... My three-year old nephew and I played doctor earlier. I laid down on the carpet and said I wasn't feeling well so he immediately informed me that he was a doctor, or that he would act as my doctor....or he just used doctor in a sentence of some sort. First, he laid a stack of newspaper on my stomach. He then added two hardback books and one of my mother's shoes. The other shoe was added before he ran off into the other room where a never ending supply of plastic food and dishes resided. I believe the procedure had moved from operating table to recovery room as he instructed me to drink from many different vessels and to eat many different foods which included a plastic egg. Periodically he would do some type of voodoo hand gesture over my face and whack me with a little baseball bat. At some point, when he wasn't looking, I palmed the little egg in my hand and then magically pulled it from his left ear. He chuckled a little, but it wasn't until I convinced him that I had consumed an entire play hamburger bun that he was truly impressed.


Wednesday, June 15, 2005

:::.... While surfing ebay as usual, I ran across this guy. Page down a little and get a closer look at him sitting in his white wicker chair pulled up to the tiny little table with all of the cards laid out ready to tell the amazing tale of your FUTURE! And for the "reasonable as opposed to greedy" fee of just five dollars.

Look at him. Do you get the feeling he can actually SEE you? Creepy.

So I start browsing his feedback and notice there are a few comments from sellers. What is a psychic selling his services on ebay buying anyway? I went back as far as I could to April 13 2005. Around that time after making a "quick response and fast payment" he received THE JACK THE RIPPER CONSPIRACIES - NEW REGION 2 DVD. And later around the 16th HENRY-PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER 2 MASK OF SANITY DVD came in the mail. He curbed his spending until May 15 when he picked up THE HONEYMOON KILLERS (New R2 dvd) for 4.99 which is approxiamately nine dollars and one cent American money. He seems somewhat preoccupied with death and killing. Let's move on.

In the middle of June he went on somewhat of a cosmetic spree. He paid approximately $8.13 in U.S. dollars for a tube of Max Factor 2000 Calorie Mascara, black and unused. (Coincidently, I use this same brand and color.) Around that same time he was the lucky winner of Max Factor's Stayput lipstick in "flame" and a little cake of Stargazer eyeshadow in black would arrive soon after.

It is my strong opinion that in order to be a successful psychic on ebay, you must not only look the part, but own movies of real life serial killers. Got it. Thank you Mr. Psychic man.


Thursday, June 09, 2005

:::.... Seattle was the best! Except it made me realize what a deadbeat existence I've been leading for the past few years. Everyone in the city was young and vibrant and had big, big plans. You could just tell. It's never too late to go back to school and make something of my life, I know. But youth is something you can't reclaim no matter how hard you try. Being there changed me a little. Although Houston is ugly and hot, there are plenty of people around to make me at least feel young and creative. I feel like I stand out a little, where as before I just wanted to disappear wherever I went. I don't feel intimidated anymore. The hipsters here are just poseurs and the snobby women with their cell phones are just sad and pathetic.

Getting back to our trip...I am working on a photo journal. Who knows when it will be done. Until then here are a few things we did in Seattle.

1. Ate breakfast at somewhere different and unique every morning.
2. Found some really great indie comics and free baseball cards for my mom.
3. Watched Team America and Watership Down the movie. (I'm pretty sure we drove our host nuts pointing out what was and wasn't the same as in the book until the credits rolled.)
4. Got over my hang-up of only purchasing souvenirs that are representative of the city and bought tons of stuff.
5. Drank vodka tonics and Amstel light.
6. Watched a man on the plane ride home take off his head wrap and sit it in the the seat next to him. This seemed odd. It stayed in one piece.
7. Ate the sweetest, juiciest peach I will ever have in my life.

Number 8 might have been 'sleeping on an air mattress', but while inflating it we realized it was too tiny for me and Jenny both so Joanna let us have her bed. And for this one giant display of kindness I am eternally grateful. I remember offering to sleep on it, (did I?) and knowing the decision had already been made. Every night we climbed into her big comfy bed with the two quilts while in the living room she squatted down onto sofa cushions laid out on the floor. This girl has a heart of gold.

Oh yeah, and we sold lots of our stuff. I had Jenny make the self-defense moves I found into a little guide book. She drew wild animals snatching purses and breaking noses. It was a big hit. They will be available soon on our website. Everyone needs to scrape up some dough!


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